Monday, January 12, 2015


Ah yes, the sounds of a windy evening on the boat. Wind whistling in the rigging, an occasional pop as the cockpit enclosure flaps in the wind. An occasional clang or click as something is moved by the wind. The chop and wind is usually relaxing on the boat, especially since we are tied securely to a seawall here at Dinner Key Marina in Miami. No chance of dragging anchor, or coming loose from a mooring, so a good nights sleep was in order. But it wasn't to be. I was suddenly awakened in the middle of the night, around 02:30, by a strange noise. I had heard that a strange noise would wake you from a deep sleep, but it has never happened to me before. One thing I am good at is sleep. As I am in that half-awake state, wondering why I am awake, I try to convince myself to go back to sleep. Then, I hear it again. Click, click, click, click. Above my head, outside in the cockpit. Weird, I thought, what could that be? It couldn't be Santa, he came and went already. Maybe there is something loose in the cockpit, the wind must be playing tricks on me. Click, click, click, clunk. OK, I gotta go see what is going on up there. I hop out of the rack, and make my way to the door. When I look outside, what do you think I see in the Cockpit? Well, it wasn't Jolly Ol' Saint Nick. It seems that a couple of what looked like 20 year old's were getting busy with it right on my boat! They just climbed right on and then climbed right on! Hey wait a minute, nobody asked me! I then realized what that clicking sounds was. It was high heels, black ones from the look of them, pointing toward the sky. Well, that did it, I am losing sleep over these amorous trespassers after all. I burst open the door, and said something totally stupid like "What's going on here?" The couple just about lost it, they were dumbfounded when out of nowhere appears this old guy, yelling and messing up their plans. "You better get your asses off this boat". I meant it too, I could see their asses and I wanted them gone. There was a scramble, some more clicking as the heels hit the deck, some lame ass "Oh, We must have the wrong boat" bullshit as pants were being rapidly donned, and quick as a flash they were gone. I wish the Army could deploy that fast, it was a model of efficiency. The last thing I heard was more clicking, as those heels were running off into the darkness. One single bark. That is the un-shakable devotion my dog Guincha provided in the 'I am a dog, so intruders beware' department. Oh well, I gotta get up soon. So I locked up and climbed back in bed. Joyce says sleepily, "Where were you?" I said, "I was investigating the noises I heard in the cockpit." "What was it?", she asked sleepily. "Just a couple of 20 year old kids, trespassing and doing the 'Wild Thing'" I said. "WHAT???!!" "Yep, they are gone now," I said, "Guincha chased them off. That and the sight of yours truly. Ran like crazy." I could feel the blank stare I was getting, even in the dark. "At least now we know why they call it that," I added. "What are you talking about?" Joyce asked. "The Cockpit," I said.

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